Something broken inside me. Something that I don't even know. Last night was a longest night. I lie on my bed and was staring at my blank walls. I tried to imagine the future but it was as blank as those walls. I cried a lot but I don't know why. Maybe I'm crazy but crying makes my pain pass by. I was pretending to smile in front of people that I loved. Smiling is just going to take away all the pain but we only can hide the pain for a while. They look at me and think "she is so happy" "she loves to laugh" but there is so much behind this smile and laugh that you will never know. I have a tendency to hurt myself physically when I am hurting inside. But I know it is wrong and never worth it. It is hard to answer the question "what's wrong" when nothing is right. They don't understand. You don't. No one does. Sometimes I feel that no one loves me. Then I just say "I'm fine" and just walk away. But nobody cares. I don't know maybe I am overly paranoid. Too scared to live, too scared to love, too scared to even care...